Whew that’s a banger of a title to get us going on a Monday, huh? Depression and chronic illness – how do they correlate and affect someone on a daily basis?
You may not be surprised to find that these two get a kick out of ganging up on people. To be honest, they’ve been beating me up quite a bit lately. My gastroparesis has been taking the lead, bringing on some of the most challenging flare-ups I’ve experienced in a long time. At a certain point, being in extreme pain, curled up in bed for days at a time, with waves of nausea just washing over me incessantly, depression decides to step in.
I don’t use the term “depression” lightly, at all. Not only has it been something I’ve battled with for years, but it’s sadly genetic and I see family members suffer on a daily basis. My struggle with this monster is how it likes to tell me that I’m worthless because I’m unable to live a “normal” life. It tells me that everyone hates me because I’m so much work to take care of, and the pain will never stop, and I will never be able to work as hard as I should to succeed. Depression is – for lack of a better word – vile.
Depression and chronic illness share friendship bracelets, I swear.
When one rears its ugly head, the other is quick to follow. Lately, I’ve found myself taking painfully hot showers at 3pm on a Monday just to distract myself with sensory overload. I sometimes stare at my laptop for a couple of hours, willing myself to get work done, only to shut it and go lay in bed because I can’t focus on anything other than my discomfort. Recently, I even wrote down what depression feels like – on the absolute worst day I’ve experienced in years. I broke down and laid on the floor of my hallway, sobbing to myself, unable to cope with anything – and my stomach pain worsening with each tear that fell.
Sometimes life is scary with a chronic illness. It’s even scarier when depression gets all up in your business. Honestly, I wish I could give some sort of positive, uplifting quote here that would make it all seem like it’s fine. Shouldn’t I, as a blogger, find a way to twist this situation into something helpful for someone else? Well, this isn’t that kind of post. Today I’m admitting that life has been really rough lately, and I’m a human with human challenges, trying to work through them, not always succeeding, but doing her best.
I feel obligated, in a way, to share this reality with you, as my readers and friends. While social media may sometimes make it seem that everything is great, life is easy, money is flowing, work is fantastic, etc. That is definitely not the case. Every once in a while, I just need you all to see the behind-the-scenes and understand that I’ll always be as real with you as possible. There is a reason why I don’t post every day, and half of my stories are filmed from my bed. Thank you for standing by me while I continue to fight through this season.